The maid of honor just puked.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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