dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
