i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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