worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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