last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
