First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
