where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I bet he comes in French.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
