Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We talked him into tasing himself.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
