i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
