You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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