I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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