Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
