Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
