margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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