The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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