I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
