maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
