I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She needs sedatives and a leash
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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