Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
ok first of all what the fuck
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
