I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
