Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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