I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
