Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize