My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
