Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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