all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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