Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
