There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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