K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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