Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize