Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If that was your dad, he is hot
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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