There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
