hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
