So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Maybe he injected his testicle?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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