just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
