Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
