btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize