Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
