Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
