Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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