I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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