No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize