he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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