Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My ass is underappreciated
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
