I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
