Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
