I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize