You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
