Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
