The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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