We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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