Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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