There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
