I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
