Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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