He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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