Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
