so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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