life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize