with your own penis?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I met the friendliest cop last night
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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