you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
COCAINE IS GR8
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
