youre lurking in front of me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
