Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wish there were birth control emojis
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
