my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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