dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
