Having a random hookup so left but love u
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
