first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
