so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
