so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
