He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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