We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize