Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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