The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I love you. Go after that dick
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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