So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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