On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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