i can't believe i had my finger in that
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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