Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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