Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
