I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
