It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The Olympian is in my bed
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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