I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
