Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
