My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
