Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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