If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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