I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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