Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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