Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize