you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
