Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
