He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
