your thong is hanging out like whoa
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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