I was born with a shot glass in my hand
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
