If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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