dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
