Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
