PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize