Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize