Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
