Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Randomize
