Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
