i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
