You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize