When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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