YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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