I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
