Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize