I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
