I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The beer is more important than you right now.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
