I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize