matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
