new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
